All the Fish in the Sea
by S.Walden
Summary: A series of drabbles taking place after Angel-Weasel's "No Children". Stories are centric around the Ishida family, Jyou and his son, among others. *New drabble added*
1. Chapter 1: Goldfish

Goldfish

Yamato first heard the news his mother was sick again after he had just moved in with Jyou. He was wondering what more could go wrong, considering he would be dealing with a horrible divorce at the same time as well. Jyou was running late and Aiko would be home soon from school. Yamato always felt like a burden to the father and son, so he tried to at least keep the place clean when he was home. He had left some mocchi on the counter for Aiko, too.

Still, he rested his chin on his knuckles and stared at a small stain on the carpet he hadn't identified. It was probably so old it had been there since before Jyou got the place. The blonde tapped his toes and stood with a huff. "What am I supposed to do? Feel bad?" he spat, running a hand through his hair.

Then he heard a key in the lock. Aiko stepped inside and greeted his father's new friend. The blue haired boy kicked off his shoes. Yamato faked a smile. If Aiko was any more similar to Jyou than looks, then he would be able to sense the blonde's anger from ten feet away.

"How was school, buddy?" Yamato asked.

"I have a lot of extra credit work I can finish," Aiko replied. "Since I finished my homework already. Still, it's not required so I'm in no rush."

"That's good. Jyou doesn't want you to push yourself too hard. He never had a break as a kid," Yamato replied. "Don't tell your Dad, okay?" he started, pulling some cigarettes from his back pocket and heading out to the porch. "I made you a snack," Yamato replied, closing the door behind him.

Aiko watched the man carefully. He was so different from Dad. He never seemed happy. Although, Dad had said he was in a bad place and not to bother him, Aiko had the same need to help people as his mother had. He grabbed a few mocchi cakes and then went to knock on the glass. Yamato turned, "What?"

Aiko opened the door and stepped out, staying upwind so he wouldn't smell of smoke. "Here, I thought you might like one."

"T-Thanks, kid," Yamato replied.

"You're a good cook," Aiko said.

"I've always had to cook," Yamato explained, "Ever since I was your age."

"...something bad happened. You've only been here a few weeks, but I've already been able to make note of your mannerisms."

"What are you on about?"

"Usually you don't smoke, but when you're stressed out, you can smoke a lot."

"Ha, blame my father for that," Yamato replied.

"So, what happened? Maybe I can help."

"Aiko, I shouldn't talk to you about these things," the blonde sighed, dousing the cigarette on the rail. "I don't think your father would appreciate it."

"Aren't you... like my father, too?"

Yamato blushed. Sure, he and Jyou had messed around a few times. "W-Well, it's complicated."

"Adults say things are complicated only when they are trying to hide something," Aiko said. Yamato patted the boy's head, knocking his glasses to the side.

"You're a smart little bastard you know that?"

"So, can you tell me what's bothering you now?" Aiko pressed.

"Ugh, you sure have Jyou's persistence," Yamato remarked, stepping back inside. He had barely eaten half the snack cake. Aiko had slowly and surely finished his and stepped back inside behind the other. He hung around Yamato all the way into the kitchen where the blonde pulled out something for dinner from the freezer. Blue eyes met the kid's dark eyes, "You know what death is right?"

"Death is the end of all functions that keep living things sustained. It is also a mysterious hooded figure who comes to take you when you pass away."

"I didn't mean the definition," Yamato said, putting his face in his palm. "I meant... have you ever had someone close to you pass away?"

"My goldfish died when I was little," Aiko announced. "Dad said that death is something we all learn to accept and that my fish was in a better place. On the physical side of things, I learned my fish helped our garden grow, too. Some people believe-"

"Aiko," Yamato seethed. "I'm losing someone in my family right now."

"Someone close to you," Aiko stated.

"Uh, y-yeah, I guess," he breathed. "Look, I gotta make dinner for when your Dad comes back. Go play in your room or something."

"Okay..." Aiko said, taking another mocchi and heading to his room.

"Kid's probably gonna go study..." Yamato chuckled.


	2. Chapter 2: The Bad News

Jyou flung the briefcase over his shoulder as he walked out of the JFCR. That day had been a particularly good one, until he was beginning to leave for work.

That was when he noticed Takeru waiting outside one of the rooms in the patient area. He hadn't talked to Takeru in a long time and he wasn't even sure if the younger knew about the eldest living situation. However, Jyou was polite, "Hello, Takeru."

"Oh, hey, Jyou," the other replied. He seemed a bit distracted. Then again, people didn't come to the hospital for fun.

"What's the matter?" Jyou breathed, fearing maybe Yamato had tried something.

"My mother..." Takeru whispered. "She's in there. They said she's going to get a head scan later this evening."

"...what happened?" the other breathed.

"I'm sure you know how my mother's been going downhill for awhile."

"Uh, no... I don't."

"I thought you lived with Yamato?" Takeru demanded. When Jyou couldn't give him a good reason the little brother scoffed, "We thought maybe all the Digimon stuff just dredged up something, but it's more than that... Well, she did seem depressed. I think she knew and didn't tell anyone. She went on antidepressants, but they just made _her_ less unaware while opening my eyes further. I should've brought her here sooner, damn it."

"The cancer," Jyou whispered. "Takeru, I'm sorry."

"...you know, if Yamato had just taken the time to forgive her she wouldn't be like this. Even a hello. Anything!" Takeru barked. A nurse noticed the outburst and scuttled off the opposite direction. "You know last time we met as a family... this was over twenty years ago."

Jyou twisted his lips. He felt like he was stuck between two rocks.

"We just went out to lunch together, but Yamato couldn't be civil at all."

"Takeru," Jyou pressed, "You _know_ what happened to him."

"I don't _know_ anything. My mother has done nothing but love and care for me the way a parent should. Even if she did such a thing, it wasn't of her own violition, Jyou! Do you know how long she blamed herself?"

_Maybe she should have_, Jyou thought. "I understand, Takeru, but Yamato... Give him some time."

"There is no time left, now. Mom will not pull through this, Jyou. She's given up!" Takeru said, shoving past the other. "By the way..." the blonde heaved, trying to hold back tears, "You and Yamato make me sick." He slammed the door shut in the doctor's face.

Jyou messaged his forehead, then decided to call it a day, officially. He couldn't think of this right now. Not only was he expecting this day to end bad to begin with (Aiko was due for The Talk), but now Natsuko was sick, which was more stress for a near-suicidal Yamato, and with Takeru on their backs, too... Jyou headed outside of the JFCR building and was about halfway into the sidewalk when he saw a familiar face.

"S-Sora."

"Hey, Jyou, what do you know?" she smiled. The kids weren't with her. Although Jyou had somewhat been involved in their divorce and was the akin to harboring a fugitive to Sora, she didn't hold much against him. She forgave his loving nature. She wasn't aware of their... relationship, however. Yamato made sure of that. Heck, Jyou wasn't even sure how Takeru knew, unless he had guessed.

"Sora," Jyou replied.

"I was on my way home. Guess you just got off work," she replied. Jyou was walking to his car, but she followed.

"Did you need something?" Jyou whispered. "I-I'm running a little late."

"No, but... we can still be friends, right? I mean, you're just keeping a child molestor in your house... with a child," Sora said. "Don't you worry about Aiko's safety?"

"Sora, I know Yamato and you do, too. He would never do anything," Jyou said. "I don't know what drove you to be the way you are. I don't think I'll ever know. Just... I would prefer we only talk if absolutely necessary."

Sora frowned. "Everyone knows now. About him. There's no use trying to protect him!"

Jyou hurried to his car.


	3. Chapter 3: Walls

Takeru stepped into the room, quickly closing the door behind him, _hope_fully in Jyou's face. He removed the anger from his face, unlike his brother who never tried, and smiled at his mother. She was sitting on the check up bed, her hair frazzled, staring blankly at the floor. "Mom."

She looked up at him and smiled, "Takeru. Who was in the hall?"

"No one."

"Your father?"

"No, but he's on his way," Takeru said, reassuring her with his hand on hers.

"...and your brother?"

"...I don't know, Mom," the son replied, sitting next to her.

A knock. Takeru looked over to see his father walk in carefully, as if he didn't want to wake them, but Natsuko never looked up. "Hey, Dad."

"Hi, Takeru. Natsuko..."

"Hiro..." she replied lifelessly.

"Natsuko, you look terrible," Hiroaki smiled, "Usually I'm the one that looks like he rolled out of a trash can."

She gave him a smile of pity. "You were always an honest man, at least."

"You're acting like it's the end already," he replied. "Natsuko, we don't even know if the cancer's back yet."

"I can feel it," she whispered, hugging herself. "This is the end of me."

Hiroaki shook his head and turned to his youngest son. "Let's give your mother a moment." He lead Takeru outside into the hall and they both breathed out into the clean air. "Takeru, you said she wasn't doing well, but..."

"I know," Takeru whispered. "What do you want me to do? I have a family now, Dad, I can't keep looking after her forever... maybe this is what she wants. Even if it isn't cancer, she's probably not going to have the strength to keep living on, Dad."

"...I can't let these two destroy each other," Hiroaki breathed. "If Yamato talks to her, you think she'll cheer up?"

"What do you think, Dad?" Takeru remarked. "After all, you never once pushed him to come by, even after he stopped showing up on Christmas and our birthdays. Just because you felt guilty for letting something happen that may not have ever happened! Did you ever wonder if Yamato made everything up just to get her attention?"

"Then why doesn't he talk to her now?" Hiroaki hissed.

"He's ashamed. His lie went too far," Takeru remarked.

"You know your mother feels guilty, too, because it did happen, Takeru. It ended the second I saw proof."

"Bullshit," Takeru spat, "I refuse to believe Mom could do that! I'm going to go talk to her. I'm going to tell her Yamato is coming here. And he will be civilized. And he will apologize. And YOU are going to get him here, damn it. Before my Oniichan regrets it, too..." Takeru returned to the room. Hiroaki sighed and mulled the entire thing over. Even if Takeru's heart wasn't in the right place, he owed Yamato a call. He stepped outside for a cigarette and noticed Jyou leaving for his car. Sora was standing not far off. Hiroaki wasn't even going to wonder what was going on there and instead called his son.

"Dad?" Yamato answered. He had just finished mixing the mocchi and was letting it set.

"Yamato, something's happened."

"...what, exactly?" the blonde wondered.

"It's your Mom," Hiroaki said.

"Oh."

"No, Yamato. She's very sick. In fact, I'm even wondering if it's all in her head. I think your divorce was the last straw, son. She just has no life left."

"So...?"

"Yamato! Come see your mother. She may not be here tomorrow," Hiroaki ordered. "I know that she hurt you, but she never had that intention. Sometimes you gotta grow up and stop whining about how things don't go your way."

"Dad, what the Hell?" he breathed. "She didn't _touch_ you. For years. She didn't completely screw you up for the rest of your life. Fuck, the divorce is only happening because of _her_."

Hiroaki laughed for a minute. "You walked into that Hell all by yourself, Yamato."

"Oh? Let's see... who told Sora everything without even asking me? God, who was that?"

"She had a right to know," Hiroaki replied. "She had suspected something was wrong for awhile. You two barely had a leg to stand on in the first place and then you could barely sleep in the same bed as her without waking up screaming."

"Fuck you," Yamato hissed. "I hope Mom rots in Hell. Sora too. Bye, Dad."

Hiroaki heard the line cut out but he couldn't lower the phone. He didn't raise his son to be that way. He only had one choice: to go talk to Yamato in person. He may have despised his wife for years and still hated her not only for what she had done to their son, but he also hated her because she left _him_ because she couldn't stand to look at herself. He never wished her to loathe her very existence- Yamato did enough of that as it was. The two were always so much alike. So stubborn. Hiroaki smiled and shed a tear or two. "Nothing's ever easy, is it? I hope... Yamato isn't too late. I don't want him to end up like me. He's got a good track record for that as it is."


	4. Chapter 4: You failed, too?

All The Fish In The Sea

[4]

You failed, too?

A/N: Originally, I wasn't sure if I would add more to this, since little drabbles for the headcanon tend to get tiny lines retconned or forgot about completely, but here's one I enjoyed. To avoid confusion, Kazuki is Takeru's little mini-me (his and Hikari's youngest kid).

Pairings/Warnings: Pairings include Jyoumato, Takari, and Taishirou. / Mentions of suicide attempts.

* * *

On the car ride over, Jyou watched Yamato. He hated when his husband did that: just staring out the window, thinking. Or moping. Or angry. Or even just content. Even after a year together and nearly a lifetime of friendship, Jyou still couldn't read him when he got like this.

Instead, Jyou squeezed Yamato's hand. The blonde squeezed back.

* * *

Yamato sighed as he walked, holding a loose cigarette in his mouth. He found himself noticing familiar tiles from two years earlier and gave a smile. A nurse stopped him, "You can't smoke in here."

"I've been told," the blonde replied, pointing out it wasn't lit. Still, having it between his lips eased his anxiety. Eventually he put it behind his ear and shook his own stiff muscles loose before the nurse went on her way. He was nearly there and he wouldn't have to repeat himself for the fifth time now.

He came to the end of the hall and slipped his coat from his shoulders, tossing it over his arm. He looked at the room number next to the one he was standing in front of and chuckled before finally going in.

The fourteen year old teenager laid there, pale and trying to breathe. The beeping and the hums all came back to the adult as he walked over and leaned over the bed, "Well, you failed too, did you?"

Yamato resisted the urge to laugh. He glanced at the boy's wrists, bandaged. The arms were tied down with ugly brown straps. The boy made a weak noise, mostly to indicate he was listening. Yamato grabbed the chair behind him and moved it with a long screech towards the bed, then sat. He flopped back and sighed again, this time just thankful that his little brother wasn't there for the first time in days.

The last thing Yamato wanted was to irritate the situation more, but something drew him to this room, to his nephew laying there.

"I'm sorry," Kazuki started. "I... don't remember you too well."

"We don't talk much. It's okay," Yamato reassured him, resting a worn hand against his nephew's arm. "I just wanted to see that you were okay. I would have come sooner, but your Dad..."

Kazuki gave a weak smile Yamato recognized in himself. "I understand."

"We aren't good at this, are we?" Yamato questioned, tapping the since-healed-over part of his scalp where a bullet had failed.

Kazuki smiled at least, but it faded. "I wish Russel could come see me."

Yamato had enough and lit the cigarette behind his ear anyway. When he was done, he continued, "Mimi's in that remake of Independance Day, so I'm sure they'll be busy for a few weeks. She's playing the president's wife, you know. One of the best characters in the movie and she gets to die all tragically..." The older blonde watched as the younger's heart sank and realized he was rambling once more. "Still... I bet Russel misses you more than anything else. Knowing that little Hellion, he's probably kicking nurses' ankles trying to get up here." _Hopefully at least one of those wretches who wouldn't let me smoke. Ha. _

"Yamato..."

"Mmm?"

"I'm glad you came to see me. You're the only one who hasn't treated me like I didn't know what I was doing. Like I've gone mad or something..."

Yamato inhaled for a long time and closed his eyes, "Well, tunnel vision is just for us, select few."

"I don't understand."

"That's fine... you need you rest," Yamato said. He put the smoke out under his boot and headed for the door.

"Yamato. Wait," Kazuki urged.

He stopped at the door, fidgeting with the lighter in his pocket. "Yeah?"

"Does my... Does my... Dad... does he hate me?"

_Oh, there it is. That inevitable thing. _"Your father loves you, Kazuki."

"I don't think he does."

Yamato turned with an angry sigh. "Look, he loves _you_, Kaz. He just doesn't agree with our choices."

"Why?"

"Because he's an idiot."

Kazuki giggled a little, "You sound like Mom... 'Because God says so.'"

"Yep, sounds about right."

"...did living the way you wanted work for you, Uncle Yamato?"

The blonde felt the urge to shake off the title for some reason. Probably because despite the kids being so old, he had rarely seen them and almost never been called Uncle directly. "If I had lived the way I wanted to, Kazuki... things would've been much better than the Hell your father's God has put me through."

Kazuki squirmed a little, still unsure of his decision. Yamato had his foot out the door when the child called after him: "Will Russel hate me?!"

Yamato just laughed. He wasn't going to give the kid all the answers. Sure, Yamato could reassure him, but Yamato wasn't sure of Russel's true intentions or if Russel would even forgive the boy. Yamato thought of Jyou, sitting in the place Yamato was in now, lecturing and he laughed. Still, he had never been able to shake the fact that he always wondered what it was like for Jyou, being in such a position as he was, unable to do anything but plead for his co-workers and good friends to do something as he coded in the next room. The blonde put his jacket back on from the chills and started out.

That was when he saw Takeru, Hikari, and Lucian. Yamato stopped, unsure of what the three would do in his prescence. Yamato decided to end anything before it started, "I was just leaving."

"Y-you're here," Takeru whispered, double-taking his brother.

Yamato stopped, gave a short blink as if saying, 'Duh. And?'

Takeru seemed to hold something back, "I didn't think..."

"You're still my brother," Yamato interrupted. "He's still my nephew. That's all that matters."

Takeru growled to himself, "It didn't matter with Mom."

Yamato chuckled. "Later Hikari. Lucian." He continued down the hall and returned to the waiting room where Taichi, Koushiro, and Jyou. Specifically, the blonde noted his husband's worried expression. Yamato waited a moment for Jyou's inevitable squeal of worry.

"Takeru isn't in the next room over by now?" Jyou breathed in true, utter disbelief.

Yamato tried to keep a straight face and glanced over at Taichi, who was snickering. Koushiro punched him in the side. "You got something to say, Yagami?"

"Just wondering why no one in your family can kill themselves properly."

Koushiro took Taichi's cane and started beating him in his good leg.

Yamato laughed, "Wait until Bug shatters her leg in twenty years. You'll get my words."

"Not if that bad habit of yours doesn't kill you first," Taichi smirked.

"Just for that, I'm totally smoking in your car on the way back," the blonde remarked, taking a seat next to Jyou. Yamato crossed his leg over the other and closed his eyes.

"In your dreams," Koushiro remarked.


End file.
